I think I'll always admire the attempts or successes of those maintaining a life of rugged individualism and self-determination, but it's becoming ever obvious to me that such a life would be completely unattainable. A joke in my family has always been my dad's ability to talk to nearly anyone about nearly anything. Quick errands could at any moment stretch into hours-long sojourns if he ran into someone or another at the lawnmower repair shop or the convenience store - wherever. I know I've always had this streak in me as well, but not since I came back to Texas did it dawn on me that these simple interactions with "regulars," people who know my name, make me very happy. With this, I'm learning why some are able to stay afloat, even in the worst of times. Mere contact with people makes things much more manageable. And, while internet interaction does help (a surprising lot on some days), I'm stating the obvious by saying that internet-less talking, really does the trick.

Furthermore, something else my father apparently sloughed off on me was the need - an almost frantic urge sometimes - to feel productive. I need to feel like I'm doing something. Not in a busy-body-type of way, though. I just want to be accomplishing something a good deal of the time. I suppose that's why I really don't care for my grocery store job. It feels pointless. All of this isn't to say, however, that I'm not dying for days to lie about and listen to records and make dinner and watch movies. I would, though, like to spend worktime at a decent job where I feel like I do more than take money from spendthrifts for ridiculous niche foods.