I know it's madness, but my heart skipped a beat when, at bedtime, I realized that I could put on one of our pillowcases. As I dozed off, while watching your favorite television show, I could smell the lingering scent of your hair. I could process the whirlwind that was the New Year holiday and replay everything (difficulties and all) in hopes that I'd never forget anything. The good, to keep me sane for this last month of being apart. The bad, to leave me lessons. Yet in weariness it's hard not to get caught up in the most simple ideas: I can't believe I was there; I can't believe how much I love you. Mostly, though, I can't believe you love me at all.