It seems that I create so many problems for myself that it's clear: I'm my own worst enemy. I'd like to say that this comes to me in a way that punches my gut and doubles me over with the awareness that I'm so clumsy and careless in the myriad ways I seem to blow it. No, no. Most often, these errors are so complete that they don't fall into the category of foibles or missteps. In action, they are so completely perfect in their simple wrongness while to me, their complexity is so vast that no one could possibly understand. Never before now have my grandpa's "shape up or ship out" words seemed so perfect and elementary.

Translation to that nonsense: Apparently I'm not only a careless fuck-up, I'm an active one as well. And while at the time, my self-centeredness likes to make things seem so complicated, everything's quite simple. Either I need to shut up and live life, or I need to stop making things worse for the people I care for. I don't want to be good for you as much as I want to do good for you.