Among the positive things my upbringing left me with, my manners (though limited) have probably been the most useful. Being brought up in nearly constant "relationships" from third grade on, wasn't much of a help though. I remember as far back as second grade, asking Kristen Rogers to ask Taryn Manley if she liked roses. Again, in third grade, I was already giving my "girlfriend" candy on Valentine's Day. From then on, I always kept my ear to the tracks. I grew up making lists in my head of to-dos and helpful hints on how to get win affections. I studied all the material: romantic comedies, songs by female pop singers, etc. I'm sure I must've thought that if I listen closely I could be sure to be and do everything that their stereotypical failing partners weren't and didn't. I've been sensitive and I've absorbed interests, tried to seem strong or smart. Many of these qualities came to me easily or naturally. Yet, it's taken me 27 years on this planet to finally realize that while this plan could very well still be successful with some people, it's doomed to fail with the only person on Earth who I want to impress and woo. This immature, idealistic, and fairly sexist way of thinking has seen its best days pass.

You are the love of my life and If I'm going to keep you, if I ever hope to hear the sweetest sounds of a hopeful future come with ease, if I hope to feel your soft hands reassuringly on my knee and on my back, if I want your face to be the one that I see first and last every day, if I want to experience life by your side, I must to abandon those sinking ships of my faulty formulas. I have no other choice but to give up trying to have all the answers and just love without regard for rules that only apply in the logic of my childhood brain.