When I'm doing well I keep my apartment clean. I stay organized. I take pleasure in the process of knowing where things are and when things are going to happen. My dishes never sit in filthy water, though clean ones still might stay in the rack for days. When I get home from work I don't get straight into bed. I spend much of my waking time on the couch reading or watching movies.

When things aren't so hot I can't sleep well and I find myself staying up late nights recording music one minute at a time, obsessing over instruments and notes and sounds until the resulting minute of music is sparse and laden with reverb. At work, I try not to take breaks and never eat on my lunch break, opting to wander the shopping center. At home I make lots of stacks and lists and make promises to myself that I'll get things back into shape. I'll clean tomorrow.

Right now there are plenty of stacks of mail and books and papers but my dishes and sink are clean.